Sunday, January 4, 2009

Going to my Grandmothers funeral today

Last night was the visitation and it was like a family reunion for me.I saw relatives I haven't seen since I was 8 years old.Everyone was so friendly and much warmer than I remembered them being.
My sister, Mother,niece,my husband and child were with me so I felt pretty confident to begin with.We entered the Pentecostal church my father built with his own two hands and memories flooded my mind.All the familiar faces of family from long ago were standing in a crowd like they were relieved that we actually came.I feel I made peace with my fear of my fathers people.My childhood nightmares were from that church and all those same faces that welcomed me know.
It seems my grandmother gave me this gift of reality,that I stood before all the family and I finally felt strong,confident,happy and not like an outsider.My whole life I have had terror of a moment that would force me to be among this group of people that I am related to and now,I see they were not the demons I imagined,just regular folk.

5 comments:

♥georgie♥ said...

so sorry for your loss...it seems your Grandmother left you something far more important than anything material-the gift of Family

Lucy said...

so sorry about your grandmother, but happy reuniting with your family felt so good. Reunions can be frighteneing and sometimes leave us disappointed, that your relatives were so warm is so nice to hear, hopefully you can begin new relationships. wouldn't that be something good coming from something bad. browsing through your posts, boy is your little guy just adorable!!
going back to read some more, sorry i haven't visited more often!

chas said...

this gave me this chill bumps reading it. you may be right...about your grandmother giving you this chance to face our fears. i am firm believer in everything happens for a reason.

My LIttle Family: said...

Sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Even though you did not know her well, it is a still a loss because she is a family member and because you will not be able to get to know her now.

I've always thought funeral are for the living, not the deceased. They create a situation where family gets together and relives memories - both good and bad.

Take care of yourself. It may impact you more than you know.

zsazsamom said...

Your grandmother definitely gave you a gift! I agree with Georgie post, the gift of Family....BUT, I also think she gave you the gift of forgiveness. You had to reach down and find forgiveness for these people . I'm sorry about your grandmother.